Teaching is the Best Teacher
I recently had the opportunity to help teach a four-day mediation course for professional mediators at the University of Washington School of Law. The participants were a mix of law students, HR professionals and lawyers. Each time I have the opportunity to teach mediation, I feel like I gain new perspectives about both the value of mediation and best practices.
Perhaps it’s the same as any teaching opportunity, in some respects: I am forced to put into words some amorphous sense I have about a best practice and, in so doing, I better understand exactly why that best practice works. But, in teaching mediation, there’s more to it than that.
A lot of mediation training involves mock mediations and, as I watch and guide learners, I often see different tactics that I wouldn’t have considered. I notice how certain words or approaches work for one person that don’t for another. For a mediator to be effective a mediator has to establish rapport and trust with the participants. To do so, a mediator has to remain sincere, impartial and trust-worthy. How one person conveys that is different from another, but there’s no doubt that being someone other than oneself will never work. To give meaningful feedback I have to explore with the participants what could have been a more effective way for them to have addressed the situation and not how I might have addressed it. I’m forced to step outside myself and my own patterns to consider how another person communicates and what would have helped that person better communicate in a specific situation. I learn from their perspectives.
I also have to practice intentional listening and being empathetic, to be a meaningful observer in such mock mediations. When the participants are looking for guidance, I owe them intense focus and concentrated consideration so that the feedback I offer is of value. Those are skills that help me be a better mediator too. Moreover, when people are first mediating, there is more opportunity to observe how misunderstandings happen and how difficult it can be to hold open space for the parties to find their own path forward if the mediator lets his or her ego get in the way. Seeing what doesn’t work helps me think about what works better and why.
Perhaps, most important, however, is how I gain a renewed belief in mediation and its incredible value. There is no other legal process I know of that really focuses on the possibility of exploring all possible solutions to a conflict and allowing the parties themselves to decide what would be the best way forward in a relatively fast and efficient process. Of course, sometimes we’re talking about a zero-sum situation, where the parties are just negotiating a dollar amount, but often there are win/win aspects that allow for a better outcome for both parties if they are the ones making the choices. Even in mock mediations, I get to see the shifts that happen to parties from adversaries into two or more people working towards a common goal. It’s often possible to identify a moment when that transformation happens, but it’s impossible to predict. I have learned that my key job as a mediator is to keep the space/opportunity open for that shift to happen. And when it does, it’s like clouds parting and the sun coming out. The participants in such trainings observe that too, many for the first time, and often cannot believe that such shifts are possible. Lawyers who have always been in adversarial proceedings are often most dubious (although those who have mediated know mediation can work).
Sometimes mediations, even mock mediations, feel like magic to all concerned. What other legal processes allow for such transformative moments? I’m grateful to witness those moments, every time. And teaching about mediation and the possibilities it offers not only reminds me of its benefits but also impresses me with the power of people to come together and resolve their differences, if given the tools , like mediation, to do so.